I stopped my depression meds cold turkey. Yes I know I should have worked with my doctor. At my last appointment I expressed interest in beginning the weaning process and was told that patients should be “well” for a year before making that decision. Problem was—I was never well. I was better, but not well. So as usual I do what I want, completely against physician advise.
3 weeks post stop I feel so lively. Every emotion is exaggerated, which is good in the case of joy and happiness—and not so good when it comes to anger or frustration. I’m working with a handicap. I’ve been emotionally sedated since 2016, it’s going to take a while for me to learn to feel those bad feelings and express myself in a way that doesn’t get me shot or beat up 🤣🤷🏽♀️
I want to be sure that I emphasize that this is NOT me saying I regret being on medication. I absolutely do not. It got me through some extremely challenging times and honestly I may go back.
I’m writing this because something amazing happened. 3 weeks off meds and my spiritual growth has blown up exponentially.
For those who do not know—I identify as pagan. I believe in energy, spirits, and potential. Last night I had a series of coincidental events that lead to a new feeling of belief and consciousness. I’m going to list how this happened, bc even if you don’t identify with my beliefs—you cannot deny the series of major coincidences.
I’ve been in therapy for years, however shadow work was brought to my attention by a family member months ago (JH❤️) I knew it was something I wanted to do—however I just never did. This comes into play later but will be coincidence 1.
Fast forward to last night, 3 weeks post medication stop. I’m scrolling through TikTok like always and come across this video of a girl scooping glass shards from her busted car window into a bag. Thought nothing of it. Kept scrolling. Same girl posts another TikTok stating “you poor bastard don’t know who you’ve messed with” #chaoswitch.
My thoughts: Hashtag chaos witch? That exists? Chaos has been my life mantra. And I’ve always kinda identified as a witch. You mean there’s a CHAOS WITCH! Coincidence 2.
I jump straight to YouTube and search chaos witch. Mind you—I had never heard this term before. One of the first videos I click on is a page with a whole how-to be a witch guide. I click on it and one of the first instructional videos is on Shadow work. Coincidence 3. I thought shadow work was just a therapeutic technique, apparently witches use it all the time.
I’m reading up on chaos magic and having a bunch of aha! and that’s so me moments. Like genuinely feel I’ve finally found something that explains my beliefs. I then decide I’m going to do some shadow work. I get a pencil and a notebook and start writing. I will not go into detail about that bc it’s far too personal—but basically I begin writing thoughts, ideas, and feelings that I’ve been to afraid to speak or write into the world.
As the writing progressed it became more illegible and then Hecate made her appearance. (I’ll talk about my origin story with her another time, but know she’s been with me since I was a young, young girl) I continue, deep in meditation writing words. When I feel complete I look at them.
A bunch of Ana…. words are there, crossed out and rewritten again as if a specific word, or based on the fact the first A was always capital, name, was trying to come through. There was only one legible phrase in the midst of this part of the writing. It said “I am a lover, never monogamous and always fair” Coincidence 4. I don’t know why. Maybe because Hecate made her appearance, but this prompted me to go to google.
I google: love deities Ana
The Wikipedia for Love and Lust Deities is the first link. Great! I click it. I begin scrolling down. African Mythology is of course first.
Anansa: Goddess of the sea, allure, and beauty
I’m mind blown at this point. I begin researching Efik mythology. Ready for coincidence 5? Efik Mythology is specific to the Calabar region in Nigeria Africa. Do I need to show you my 23&Me DNA results or can you trust this is a coincidence?
Now I’m geeked. I’ve legit had my second deity reach out. One who has so many ties to my blood and based on my research, has recently been resurfacing and gaining momentum.
See the Calabar region ASKED the Europeans to come into their villages and convert their people to Christianity way back in 1842. Only a small percentage of Efik people remain loyal to their original gods and goddesses—but in 2016 things began to change. That small percentage began pushing their true religion, stating how since they majority converted to Christianity their villages have suffered. They felt they had wronged Anansa and turned their back on her causing the poverty and mishaps they’ve suffered through since. (I mean you and I know that’s European intervention period, but still 😂) Of course the Christians are strongly pushing back.
I wrote all of that to bring us to coincidence number 6—their belief or notions of needing her has grown, thus making her stronger. Maybe strong enough to reach across oceans? I mean she is a goddess of the sea.
Coincidence #7: I search her name, the first image is of a statue of her and it says Gemini. Probably a completely unrelated coincidence but one nonetheless.
Now, I want to emphasize that all of this happened in a matter of one hour. Not over 5 weeks or even 2 days. ONE hour. And as I continue researching (which the Efik people are not very out there—I’ve only been able to find little information and it’s typically blogs from anti-Anansa, Christian leaders) I’m continuing to find more and more coincidences. Language, terminology, my spiritual needs, feelings, beliefs and emotions. It just makes sense. And did I mention she’s a freaking mermaid? A MERMAID.
So now here I am, so blessed to have two amazing deities 🙌🏽
You say coincidence, I say whatever helps you sleep at night ❤️