I want to talk about my revelation after joining Peanut aka the Tinder for moms to meet other moms. For play dates and such. Not like that you dirty minded person! Any who, when you first sign up you have to select your tribes, these are short descriptions that describe your parenting. There are many to choose from but I have to say I truly, truly appreciate that they had “hot mess” as a choice. That is my tribe, that is my people. My other tribes are “mom boss” and “home bird”. I chose mom boss because my career is important to me and home bird because let’s be real, I really don’t ever leave the house except to go to work. But hot mess, that is my #1 parenting descriptor. Here are a few of the reasons I am a part of that tribe, please note that my hot mess ass parenting is not for everyone. I’m not saying it’s the way to do it and I KNOW there are a lot of things I can do better, but here we go.
- I let my kids play outside by themselves. We’ve lived in our current complex for about 4 years now and I feel comfortable with my oldest 3 going out front without my immediate supervision.
- I let my kids choose what to wear. I refuse to waste time arguing with my children about what to wear. I provide the clothes, they put them together.
- I don’t comb my kid’s hair every day. Umm yea—I have 4 curly haired girls and I’ll be damned if I force them through that torture every day. I’m pretty sure 4YO is currently on day 4 of her current ponytail. Oh well.
- My kids eat pretty much what they want. This is something I intend on improving, but currently dinner typically consists of either PB&J’s, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, cereal, or pancakes.
- I’d rather buy new clothes than do laundry. Hence my children’s literal stock pile of underwear and socks.
- I hate socks. I hate, hate, hate them. I don’t like to wear them. I don’t like to wash them. I don’t like to match them. My kids wear 2 socks, but rarely do they match.
- I yell. Not as much as I did before my anxiety meds but I do yell.
- I give up too easy. After telling my kids to do something 50 times I give up. I just don’t really care anymore.
Now that I’ve established a few things that I do that people would consider “bad” parenting let me list a few things I love about my parenting.
- My children are unique. They are loving, caring, and just have beautiful, kind souls.
- They are creative and not afraid to share their latest creations. And I gush over every picture colored, every painting painted, and every napkin with a line on it.
- I listen to them. I do not believe in children should be seen and not heard. My children are heard, and not only heard, but their words are taken into consideration. They are important to me and I want them to feel important and feel free to bring ideas and thoughts to the table.
- I speak to them. I don’t baby down my conversations with them. I speak to them using terms they may not be familiar with, but I’m sure to ask and explain if it’s something they look confused about.
- I choose fun over work. Kids will grow up to be adults that have to work the rest of their lives. I do expect my children to help, but I don’t expect them to be consistently working. Every moment of their childhood does not need to be scheduled.
- Often when I feel overwhelmed I ask them for help rather than tell them. I find I get a better response when I say “mom has a lot of work to do, do you think you can help by cleaning this” rather than “clean this because I said so”. Although I do sometimes do that as well hahahaha….
Overall I think that my parenting is still evolving. I’ve been a parent for 11 years now and trust me when I say I am a much better parent now than I was 2 years ago. It is a learning experience, I have to learn what is absolutely important and what I can let go. I am a “hot mess” mother.