It’s been a while.  I was off on my medical while recovering from my VSG surgery and I had no will power to steal the laptop away from my think she is 30-years-old 7-year-old.  So here we are.  I had my surgery on 9/6/2017—two days after labor day which was also the beginning of the school year.  Hint number 1, if you have kids make sure to have a few backups for school runs while you are away.

The morning of my surgery I woke up at 4am, I weighed myself and took all of my measurements then hopped in the shower.  I had to wash up with an antibacterial soap and couldn’t use lotion so I felt like my skin was super tight and I pretty sure if you smacked me ash would fly up.  Of course we were running late because my husband always waits until the last minute to take his hour long shit.  Once we got to the hospital we got lost because seriously why do hospitals have to be so big and it was so early there wasn’t anyone at the welcome desks.

Once we found where we were supposed to be I was taken straight back to pre-op.  It was a large room with curtains dividing beds for us to be prepped for surgery.  I put my gown on, peed in a cup to ensure I wasn’t pregnant, and got my IV started.  I met all of the people that would be in the surgery room with me including the 4 anesthesiologists. The last thing I remember was saying hi to my surgeon and putting on my blue hat and joking with my husband about how sexy I looked.  I apparently was coherent enough to verify my name and the surgery I was getting but I don’t remember that.

The next memory I had was waking up and a nurse asking me if I needed to pee.  I said yes and immediately hopped up and screamed in pain.  They should seriously remind you that you just had surgery before asking if you need to use the bathroom.  After going to the bathroom they checked my vitals and my blood pressure was out of control.  They gave me a popsicle which I threw up and then dosed me up with morphine at which point I passed out.

The next memory I have is waking up late the first night in a room because the nurse had to check my vitals again and give me more morphine.  I got up and walked around this time because my roommate was an elderly lady who kept shitting herself.  There’s really no pretty way to put it.  It was terrible, it smelled terrible, and I was miserable.  The nurses gave me earplugs, a mask, and an air freshener but that did nothing to help the situation.

I remember day 2 well, I was still in a ton of pain but I did a TON of walking. I also discovered that I was really out of it because they had given me magnesium via my IV and I HATE magnesium but I had no clue until I saw the bag. I was sure that I was going home this day because I could not stand to be with that lady any more. I cried when my doctor told me I would have to stay a second night because I wasn’t really successful at keeping anything down.  I tried to tell them it wasn’t the broth or water it was the stench from the lady on the other side of the curtain but they weren’t hearing it.

I was discharged early morning on day 3 and I could not have been happier.  I was weak but I did manage to get out and walk a few times that day and pick up my meds. I pulled up to my house thinking I was going to rest in my quiet, beautiful bed only to find out that they were replacing the roof over my unit.  Seriously.  Can’t sleep in the hospital, come home to a bunch of roofers hammering and jamming to their rock music right above my head.  I still managed to pass out and sleep for 4 hours before my kids got home.

It really took until day 5 for me to stop taking the meds and lose the feeling of regret.  I was still only able to drink tiny bits but I didn’t feel nauseous after each sip either.  I started driving this day (really because I didn’t have a choice, someone had to pick up the kids) and immediately I began having stomach pains like I had pulled a muscle.  I called my nurse and she said it was normal and to take 600mg of ibuprofen every 6 hours for the next 5 days and call her if it doesn’t go away.  This was news to me because I thought I couldn’t have ibuprofen, but she said that’s only for bypass patients.  Great news because Tylenol just doesn’t cut it for me.

Day 6 was the first day I felt okay or some normalcy. Days 7-14 were all pretty much the same–minor pain, lots of walking and liquids.  At my 2-week follow-up I was down 21lbs since my surgery date and 34 total. I was elated.  I just knew that this would continue! Except it didn’t. I began testing my limits (yes I know it was early) but I tried lunch meat (which I could handle about 1 slice), mashed potatoes (which seriously filled me up within 2 bites), and eggs (which were so filling I had to sleep each time I ate one—yes one scrambled egg). Week 3 the scale went down a measly .3 pounds but I did gain the ability to practically guzzle my water.  Today was week 4 and the scale hasn’t even moved.  I think it’s because I really haven’t been getting my 70g of protein that is required.  I’ve honestly not been getting much at all calorie wise.  Now that I’m back at work and a normal schedule I’m expecting this to go much better, but we shall see!