So I’ve started reading Glennon Doyle’s infamous book, Carry on, Warrior. I’ve followed her on Facebook for a long time now and everything she says resonates with my soul so I finally took the leap and bought her first book. And boy, let me tell you, this woman says things that have me giddy and screaming inside, “YES! ME TOO”. Sometimes all we need is someone we can relate to. We all think that our mistakes are the worst mistakes so we are afraid to talk about them. I, like Glennon, was gifted the personality trait of being shameless. Shameless people are the ones that tell you their whole life story when you first meet. We sometimes overshare and often times we talk too much. I will talk about things that others find wayyy to personal and speak on it as if it’s nothing at all. Being shameless does not mean that I don’t feel guilty about these things, it just means that I am okay with talking about them. After reading her book (I’m not completely finished) I’ve learned that shamelessness is a GIFT. And it is capable of making other not-so-shameless people feel giddy inside and scream “me too!!” too. (Not in the #metoo way—just in a way that we can relate to each other, which I guess could be #metoo sometimes as well) So I’m going to begin to be shameless and hopefully I can help one person who thinks their mistake is the worst mistake realize that EVERYONE makes mistakes and THAT IS OKAY. I’ve been fairly filtered on this blog but no more. It’ll probably get nitty-gritty from here on out. Feel free to dip out at any time as I also understand that there is a such thing as oversharing and while I don’t recognize those boundaries, others do. I will not dislike you for it.
I’m going to start with one of my favorite lines from her book, “It hit me that maybe the battles of life are best fought without armor and without weapons.” This is a metaphor by the way—Her armor and weapons were drugs, alcohol, and other things. My weapons were more emotional. Example: I didn’t have many friends in school—I tried making friends the way I thought you had to– I made it my mission to compliment someone on something as OFTEN as possible, I talked on the phone, I played the match maker, I forced myself into the groups—but I was never invited to the movies, or to the mall, or anywhere for that matter. So I became MEAN. I was bitter and angry and I made it my purpose to ensure that everyone knew it. I was easily annoyed. I hated everyone. I thought everyone hated me. I did things that I will never talk about—as shameless as I am. Or maybe I will eventually, who knows.
I don’t know exactly when I decided to not be mean, bitter, and angry. I don’t even know that it was a conscious decision. I just know that I began to feel compassion and empathy. I do remember one major moment of clarity. I FINALLY got invited to someone’s house. Someone who had never invited me over—and when I got there I was confused. See this person was a super clean, well dressed, hair always done, Type A personality person– but their home was not. In fact, it was cramped and nasty. I realized maybe I wasn’t the reason I didn’t get invited over. Maybe people just didn’t want to share their private lives with others. Then I learned that another person was being abused at home—another person I was angry at for never inviting me over. I began to feel guilty. See I had automatically assumed things and those assumptions couldn’t have been further from the truth. Maybe, had I asked, I would have saved BOTH parties a whole lot of anger and strife.
I’m still growing. I’m still learning. But one of the most important lessons I’ve learned thus far is to never judge a person on first glance. You’d be surprised at what’s lurking beneath that expensive outfit and Colgate smile. Yea I know—how typical. But seriously. It is sooooo much the truth that I feel it in my soul. Don’t miss out on a great friend because you misjudged them.