As I’m currently sitting at my daughters girl-scout bridging ceremony I notice I’m one of few moms that are alone. There are a few moms I know but due to my awkward social anxiety I’ve said too much or too little causing them to wave and smile but never speak. I sit alone listening to them talking, giggling and laughing and wish I could do that. Why can’t I do that?

Here’s the thing. I’m good at professional conversations. I can speak about education, gay marriage, astrology, and work–but friendly banter? Pshhh. Not my area of expertise. I am not a person that can do light conversation. I’ve successfully managed to go an entire girl-scout season with only speaking to the troop leader maybe once or twice and one other Mom. How is that even possible?

Moming is hard. Making friends is hard. Trying to do both at the same time is damn near impossible for me. Maybe next year everyone will forget how awkward I am and I’ll have another shot. Maybe I’ll develop some social confidence this summer. Maybe I’ll be less defensive and braggy about my kids. Or maybe I’ll go another year friendless. I’m that Mom.