It is a fact that once you become a mother you know longer get to shower like you did when you were a teenager. As a teenager I shared a single bathroom with 2 brothers, 2 sisters, my mom and ex-step dad.  It was no day in the park but it still beats out taking a shower with four kids of your own.  I was able to shave, condition my hair, jam out to my music, and even just soak (whaaaaaaa). Yes, there were the occasional interruptions from siblings– I have to pee! I need to grab a brush! My shirt is in there! But at least they are self-sufficient and could come in and do what was necessary and GET OUT.

Now my shower routine goes something like this:

Announce that I am taking a shower, because otherwise the children would think that I abandoned them.

Get all of the last minute requests that CANNOT wait until I’m done with said shower.

Fulfill said requests. (Refill the sippy cup, make a Nutella sandwich, turn on Moana, and make sure 2YO has the correct fluffy blanket)

Walk into bathroom and remove all of the toys from the bathtub (which is ironic because the kids have their own bathroom)

Hurry up and jump in the shower before someone needs something else.

Shampoo hair and wash body simultaneously—oh yes it’s possible.

Jump out of shower all sudsy because my 4YO and 7YO decided that they are going to full on brawl in the kitchen. Separate them, give them both something to do.

Resume shower.  Rinse off, apply conditioner and wash face.

2YO busts in with the gallon of milk and her sippy cup. Opens shower curtain and tosses cup at me.

I yell for 10YO to handle this so I can finish my shower.  10YO ignores me forcing me to AGAIN get out of shower and yell from the door.  7YO responds and saves the day.

Back into the shower. All is calm and I think I may even be able to shave.

I apply shaving cream and get one swipe in before WWIII begins in my living room.  All I hear is screaming, crying, and loud bangs.

After 5 minutes of hoping it will go away, I give up, hop out the shower and throw on my robe.  Apparently 7YO turned off Moana and turned on Five Nights at Freddie’s.  This is a problem because 2YO is terrified and 4YO HATES this show TODAY. Just today. Not yesterday. Not an hour from now. Just right here and right now.

I hand a tablet to the 2YO with Moana on and tell 7YO she has to find something her and 4YO want to watch. They settle on some YouTube video that teaches you how to make tiny Starbucks drinks for dolls. Whatever.

I go to my room to dress and tame my head. Realize I never washed the conditioner out and I still have shaving cream on my leg. Decide it isn’t worth it to attempt to get in the shower again as that’s obviously some alarm for my kids to go bat-shit crazy.  Throw my hair in a bun and wipe my leg off with a towel.  Go on with my day as usual.

I hope you enjoyed this!

*muahz*