My Messy Mind– My Mental Health Journey: Part 2

Paxil was a major eye opener for me.  I had little to no anxiety and my depression withered away. I was finally confident enough to start weekly therapy. But it was a double edged sword, see Paxil worked too good for me. My anxiety was so low that I made impulsive decisions as I had little to no worries about the consequences.  If I thought depressed me was a shopper, you should see happy me with a huge credit limit.  I went nuts—I followed all types of YouTuber’s and if they did a clothing haul I did a clothing haul.  They tried new makeup so I had to try the new makeup. A few maxed out credit cards later I had a follow up appointment and not only was I in debt but I had gained close to 30 pounds.  I refused to believe it was my wonder drug, it wouldn’t do that to me! The doctor could tell I was reluctant to switch so he prescribed a new drug in order to counteract the weight gain.  It didn’t work and two months later my doctor told me he could not medically keep me on this pill as it was detrimental to my health.  I started off a plus-sized girl and I had gotten even bigger, almost 40 pounds bigger.

I had no choice but to switch drugs.  Paxil is not an addictive drug but it does require weaning to get off of. My doctor said that the withdrawal process was different for everyone so he didn’t know exactly how mine would go.  It was terrible, I was nauseous and felt like my consciousness was leaving my body. There were times were I felt like I would pass out.  I missed 2 days of work due to withdrawal symptoms and it took a total of 5 weeks for them to completely dissipate. His next drug of choice was Lexapro, he’d had such great results and I was sure that meant it WOULD NOT work for me.  I don’t know if it was because I had already decided it wouldn’t work or if it really didn’t help but I was on Lexapro for only 4 weeks before I begged for something better. Now anyone familiar with mental health is probably screaming in their head “but it can take a while for you to feel better, you have to give it time” My response, which is the same I gave my doctor is Paxil worked by day 2.  I will not accept that there’s nothing else that could work as quickly.  I made it clear that I felt they were forcing me to choose between my mental health and physical health.

After my little temper tantrum, the doctor made multiple recommendations.  One that I switch to an entirely different class of medication and two that I needed to start focusing on my physical health. I took his recommendations to heart and we began talking about different options for both.  I am so fortunate that I have such an amazing team of doctors and therapists on my side.  The next part of my journey included some major changes, I look forward to sharing J *Muahz*

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